Querying Nightmares: My 201 Attempts to Find an Agent

Despite 201 queries and countless rejections, I remain committed to refining my manuscript and pursuing future publishing options.

A Year of Whirlwind Career Changes and Profound Personal Growth

Beginning in late February 2023, I went from recovering from a layoff to landing a six-figure leadership job, and then quitting to be a stay-at-home dad.

When I got laid off, the urge to write resurfaced almost immediately. During my paternity leave (Dec. 2020-Feb. 2023), while lounging on hospital “couches,” doing frequent diaper changes, and looking after Christine, I found solace in writing, even at three in the morning.

A month after the layoff, I returned to writing. It made sense—I needed to catch my breath before diving back into my passion.

Then after I was employed again, I spent five months in a toxic corporate environment where I felt like a writer trapped in a corporate shell, battling deep depression. I wanted to write about sports, music, my kids—anything, even my struggles with depression.

The breaking point came with unreliable childcare, a soul-sucking job as bad as Blink-182 said it would be, and worsening mental health.

So, as many of you know, I left my six-figure corporate role to become a stay-at-home dad.

When I quit my job to start daddy daycare for my girls, I didn’t know writing would become my professional gig. Until then, it had always been a hobby. As a teenager, I wrote cringe-worthy lyrics dreaming of being the next Bruce Springsteen, contributed to my high school newspaper, became the sports editor, and won an award at Syracuse University Newhouse. Then life took many interesting turns.

I stepped away from regular writing* for roughly ten years, during which I battled clinical depression, alcohol issues, and toxic relationships. You know, the typical twenties chaos where you think you have it all figured out but are just beginning to learn who you are.

*I wrote my first “novel” during this period of clinical depression. While I’m proud of the achievement, it was emotionally charged and rushed to self-publication, so it’s not my greatest work.

When I returned to writing, I went all in and wrote an Amazon bestseller. Then COVID happened, I had my first daughter, and writing again took a back seat.

In 2021, I launched my Substack newsletter, inspired by Joe Posnanski. I didn’t know what I would write about, but I loved the idea of endless possibilities. Eventually, I turned my Substack into this, and along the way, I fell in love with a story about a girl and rock & roll.

It’s Only Rock & Roll But I Like It!

The original idea for Papilio (Latin for butterfly) was born on February 27, 2022. Outside of a few scribbles here and there, I didn’t begin writing until January 2, 2024 — Happy Birthday, Nook!

Like I said, I didn’t know that writing was going to become my “thing” when I quit Corporate America in September 2023. There’s probably a high chance subconsciously I wanted it to be, but I didn’t know how to make it practical.

After several trials, countless errors, and lots of therapy, I got to mid-December 2023 when I decided that writing would be the only professional venture I’d take time to do. That’s what freed my mind a few weeks later to go back to Papilio and really give it a shot.

By March 27, I completed the first draft of my manuscript in 85 days, writing nearly 1,000 words four to five times per week. One glorious library day yielded 8,000 words!

Unanimously Rejected: My Induction into the Writer’s Hall of Shame

Since mid-April, I've been hands-off the manuscript, sending copies to a few generous beta readers for feedback. I needed a break but also wanted to see if I was onto something.

In the meantime, I decided to give querying an honest try. The manuscript wasn’t professionally polished, but I felt it was good enough after a three-week edit.

On April 22, I sent out my first four queries. By the 26th, I received my first rejection. Since then, it's been “rejection city” — rejection after rejection after rejection. Eventually, I started to prefer "silent rejections" — those that passed the "respond by" date without a reply, indicating a pass.

Now, I'm about to start revisions on that “shitty first draft” that led to an 0-for-201 record. Yeah. You read that right. I’m currently in an oh-fer-two-hundred-and-one querying slump.

How did I earn a spot in the Writer Querying Hall of Shame? I’m not sure.

All my rejections were “form rejections” with no personalized feedback, no agent conversations, and no partial manuscript requests.

I’ve ruled out my query letter. At a local writing club critique meeting, traditionally published authors gave me feedback, and then I made minor edits. They said it was solid.

So, is it my manuscript? Possibly.

I didn't blindly query agents. I researched all 201 of them. Each fit my genre (Women’s or Literary Fiction) and had relevant items on their Manuscript Wish List (MSWL). I even bolded matching parts in my query letter to highlight connections.

How can my story not fit if I make the connection? I don’t know.

Is my story unique? Sure, but not extraordinary.

Here’s my one-sentence pitch:

In the heart of Los Angeles, a determined young woman fights to resurrect rock 'n' roll's glory days amidst strained relationships, a menacing stalker, and a devastating conspiracy, as she navigates the treacherous music industry and confronts the shadows of her past to honor her father's legacy and carve her own destiny.

And my one-paragraph pitch:

In the heart of Los Angeles, 21-year-old Babe embarks on a quest to resurrect rock 'n' roll's glory days while battling strained relationships, a menacing stalker, and a devastating conspiracy. Navigating the treacherous music industry, she confronts the shadows of her past, including a tumultuous family history and her father's haunting legacy. Amidst the chaos, Babe finds herself leading her band, Papilio, through a whirlwind of emotional and professional challenges, determined to carve out her own destiny and revive the music she loves.

Does my writing suck? Maybe. I don’t have much to go on.

Was V1 a little stiff? Yes, but the bones are there.

I’m ultimately at a loss. But I haven’t lost my confidence, even if it’s been shaken.

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In True Jed Bartlet Fashion: What's Next?

As of July 1, here are my thoughts:

• I have no idea how one person can go 0-201. It seems impossible, but here’s a screenshot. Note the goosegg by “Positive Replies.”

  

• Querying agents has been a frustrating process, BUT I’m glad I stuck with it for two-and-a-half months. I learned a lot and found success among all the rejections.

• I’m not giving up on getting a traditional publishing deal, but I’m going to take a break from querying.

• I’m nervous and excited to begin reviewing all the feedback from my beta readers. I imagine I’ll be quite humbled after that experience (and maybe have a better idea of how I could be historically bad at this querying thing!).

• I strongly believe in this story. If I can’t get traditionally published, I’ll look into hybrid or self-publishing options. That won’t be until 2025, though. This year is about refining, attending critique meetings, and then getting back to querying sometime in the fall.

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One Final Thought:

Soon, I'll share excerpts from Papilio to spark excitement without spoiling the story. Feedback from current readers matters most right now—new readers can wait. Maybe it’ll be amazing, maybe not. Let me know what you think!

Thanks to everyone who’s supported this journey—past, present, always. It’s a wild dream, but I’m making it real.

See ya further on up the road! 🎸