A neighbor and friend of mine used to tell me years back that life moves faster when you get older. That, and young kids constantly being sick, are the two strongest stereotypes I’ve experienced in my thirty-four years on this Earth.
Life isn’t moving faster as we age. But responsibilities and commitments pile up in a way that they never do as a kid, leaving us with the illusion that time moves faster because we don’t have a moment to relax.
This is not groundbreaking news. If I had been told this twenty years ago, generations of humans have likely experienced this phenomenon.
Let’s focus specifically on United States culture. Bob Dylan famously crooned “The times they are a-changin’” Using his lyrics in the context of this topic, it’s clear that today’s generation is faced with more challenges than any before. The same will be true of my kids’ generation, unless MAGA wins in November and the country spirals back into the 1800s before democracy completely crumbles. Nonetheless, we should expect the country to continue to grow and change.
What has made the times so challenging for our generation is the disparity in wealth, greed, technology, and an unwillingness to work together. The rich keep getting richer while the needle only slightly moves for the rest of us, technology has allowed greedy SOBs to lock people into a 24/7-365 work year, and we are so divided on almost every major political challenge that no one wants to even attempt at solving real problems together.
That leaves a huge portion of the U.S. population in a tough predicament. Many live paycheck to paycheck. Most don’t have much, if anything, saved for retirement. Interest rates are so high that buying a house or a car is unrealistic.
Meanwhile, CEOs and other rich folks continue to rake in record profits, buy more yachts, and engage in nasty social media feuds that don’t do anything but exacerbate the problems.
So the majority of us are then forced to live on the proverbial hamster wheel. We know there is a better way, yet we feel utterly powerless and helpless to do anything about it. If you want to know why mental health is in such a crisis in this country, why don’t we start there?
Meanwhile, many people, myself included, ask ourselves what can we realistically do to make our lives better and more fulfilling without ending up on the streets or dead.
Many of you know that I took control of my mental health last year by quitting my job to become a full-time stay-at-home dad. I’m privileged and grateful to have a spouse who fully supports my decision plus is well off enough financially to support our family while I build my writing audience. Some people — most I’d venture to say — aren’t as lucky as me.
But that shouldn’t stop you from thinking of ways to slow down in life. Be more present. Do more relaxing — and guess what? Not feel guilty about it? Set clear boundaries. Say “No” as often or more than you say “Yes.” Get out of debt. Enjoy a hobby without feeling like you have to make it into a side hustle.
All of what I described I’ve learned how to better handle through therapy. But I’m going to share a few of my takeaways in the hopes that I can help others facing a similar dilemma.
When my mental health was cratering back in July, I felt the literal need to slow life down. One super simple thing I did was change my playback speed on my podcasts. For years I had been listening at 2X. I dialed it back to 1.5X and immediately felt a sense of relief. Many of us listen to podcasts. Whatever speed you currently listen to, consider dropping it just by a notch and see how it feels!
Being present has always been a challenge for me. I’m a daydreamer and a planner. I don’t like to be caught off guard. But spending time with my kids, who do not have that mental capacity built up yet, allows me to stay immersed in whatever we are doing. If you have kids, put the phone down and just play with them. It’s amazing how fun it is and how fast the time goes.
Volunteering also helps me feel more present, especially in the moment. There are so many ways to volunteer. Being around folks less fortunate than myself puts into perspective all that I already have. But it’s not always that. I volunteer at our local college’s career services center and the students are eager to get started in the business world. It’s inspiring to see the drive they have! Nonetheless, volunteering is a great way to get better connected to the community.
I’ve set clearer boundaries by truly understanding my time each day. It takes some simple math — a subject I’ve never been too fond of — but it’s helpful to know the time you have before committing to something. That’s led me to make difficult decisions and have difficult conversations with people I care about and want to be around. But I’ve realized it’s a disservice to overcommit, even if you have good intentions. It’s slowly gotten easier to say “No” when there’s something I want to do, or it’s simply something I’m not interested in but was afraid to seem nasty in the past.
Christine and I mastered debt management in the early years of the pandemic. She’s the spender, and I’m the saver — I’d say both of us took each too far to the extreme in the past. While we still aren’t perfect, we both do a much better job at meeting in the middle, and we have very serious conversations about large purchases. Our current debt comes from both of our student loans, our house, our Jeep (we only own one vehicle!), and… that’s it! We don’t have a single cent in credit card debt. That’s the worst kind of debt you can be in and I’ll die on that hill. We track our spending but we aren’t super rigid. We know what our monthly income looks like and we go from there. Plus, we have many investment accounts, 401ks, CDs, and an emergency fund. We don’t put any additional money into any of those accounts right now but they’ve still built up nicely because we started when we were so young.
The final two topics are the hardest for me: Relaxing and doing a hobby for fun.
Guilt pours over me when I’m not being productive, even when I know it’s to the detriment of my health. I’ve spent that last month and change challenging myself to be okay with chillin’. This is a great time to practice this habit — winter is a time to slow down. Enjoy the extra darkness and the warmth of a blanket on a cold night. Watch TV, read a book, paint, or just sit around being bored! I’m still having to consciously work on doing more of these things each day but I’ve noticed how relaxed and relieved I feel when I have a lighter day.
Finally, hobbying without turning it into a side hustle. This used to be writing for me. But now I want to make it a career. This is a good time to remind you to take out a paid subscription if you haven’t already! $30 covers you for a full year!
Now that writing has become a career aspiration, I’m thinking about getting back to some type of musical venture. Taking up an instrument, learning to sing… I’m not sure yet what I want to do with it. But I know I love music and it got away from me for such a long time that I want to recapture the love before I lose the opportunity for good. The challenge will be great, but that doesn’t mean your hobby has to be difficult. Christine likes to paint, my mom does ceramic paintings, and my dad goes bowling. None of them have any aspirations to go pro in their hobby or to make money. It’s only for fun and enjoyment. Maybe I’ll get to play in a cover band or I’ll just create some cool guitar licks in my garage. Whatever it is, I want to do it purely for fun and nothing more.
At the top, you may have noticed I categorized this post under “Dad Life.” That’s because these lifestyle changes, like many of my past ones, are done to be a positive role model to my two girls. It’s also for me, but they continue to be my guiding light. I want to be a better person because of them and I want them to know that there are many different ways to live life. Life isn’t rigid and I won’t force them onto one path but I do hope they choose a path that is kind to them, challenging, and full of fun. Slowing down is an attempt to bring more fun to our day-to-day lives.
Slowing down, to me, is about capturing your time in the best way possible. Maximize what you do and prioritize resting and relaxation. Don’t have a mindset that everything needs to be done for money or fame. Just as it’s ok to not be mentally healthy, it’s ok to want to slow down too. There’s your permission. You don’t need it from anyone else but yourself.
What have you done in your life to slow down? Please share with us in the comments or shoot me an email!