I quit my six-figure leadership job in Corporate America to become a stay-at-home dad
Here's why the bold decision matters.
Toxicity Reigns Supreme
My journey started during the interview stage, where promises of global missions hung in the air, accompanied by early signs of trouble. You can never fully grasp a company's culture until you become a part of it, but numerous warning signs surfaced during my interview process. A self-centered leader's influence loomed large in our conversations, exposing a toxic culture that shaped the narrative of my challenging days ahead. Siloed workflows, inefficient communication, and a leader's self-interest eroding the collective good—it was a recipe for discontent and chaos.
Caught in the crossfire of conflicting expectations, I found myself at the mercy of a power struggle between my manager's intentions and a leader's volatile notions. The once-promised global mission faded and communication breakdowns became the norm. Early on, I experienced bullying from this toxic leader who labeled me as "weird" and insisted I should be more social. However, my reluctance to engage in workplace drama, which seemed to be their interpretation of "social," caused friction. Reporting the incident brought no action, marking yet another warning sign.
In a desperate attempt to salvage my mental well-being, I turned to therapy, medication, and work accommodations. But soon enough, these measures felt like band-aids on a wound that needed stitches. The damage being done was gaping wide and Titanically deep.
Simultaneously, the search for reliable childcare added layers of complexity to an already strained reality. The anticipated departure of our beloved nanny started a search for an unrealistic replacement. Our hunt for dependable childcare took many more unexpected turns amid personal setbacks. In the United States, it's almost imperative for both individuals in a relationship to work, providing financial support for themselves and their children. This often involves childcare, whether in the traditional setting of a daycare or the nontraditional approach we chose— in-home care. The overall lack of empathy from my employer — regarding my mental health and our childcare challenges — underscored the pervasive callousness of a workplace deeply influenced by a toxic leader.
As the pressure at work intensified, a radical idea began to take root—a seemingly bold move: leaving behind a high-paying, six-figure leadership job to become a stay-at-home dad. But leaving the toxic job wasn't simple. I had great benefits and a six-figure salary built over ten years. Recruiting was a big part of who I was, like baseball in my childhood. While I was ready to ditch the company and its bad leadership, giving up my career wasn't something I was sure I was prepared for. So, the decision lingered, burdened with financial implications and the seismic shift in identity that would follow.
When the moment finally came, I submitted my resignation without hesitation. I am happy to say that I haven’t regretted the decision for one single second. The liberation from the corporate grind — “The Matrix” as my therapist refers to it — brought with it a mixture of emotions. While relief instantly came, challenges emerged. An identity crisis ensued, and the grip of old work habits proved relentlessly resilient. Yet, I carried on and felt the sheer joy of being with my daughters would overshadow these difficulties.
I was wrong.
Breakdown & Recovery
Six weeks into my new life came a breakdown, and I found myself fighting through an unfamiliar burning sensation, a physical manifestation of a breaking point. When I let go of recruiting, I said I was going to be "open to a new way of working" but what I should have said is I am going to be with my girls and let it be. So, instead of embracing my new lifestyle, I worked myself into a nervous breakdown. Eventually that terrible night, I called Christine and asked her to come upstairs. I needed help. I sobbed for a good while and then got it together. I took a shower, watched an Avett Brothers documentary to get my mind settled, and sent an urgent message to my therapist.
It's been a month since the breakdown and I've done a lot of reflecting. I learned that I have different limits than I did when I was clinically depressed in college, and that I wasn't setting firm enough boundaries. I was putting my foot on the gas pedal from 5 a.m. to 9:30 p.m., seven days a week, and trying to do everything by myself.
Now I've invested time in dialing things back, with a primary focus on putting my family first and re-prioritizing mental health. Exiting an exciting business partnership and a contract recruiting gig wasn't about a lack of love for the work but stemmed from its overwhelming nature. Both my therapist and doctor stressed the importance of reducing work commitments and prioritizing caregiving. My doctor joked that I now grasp the challenges women have faced for centuries—I can relate! The constant demands of caring for the girls turned out to be more taxing than anticipated. It took me a while to realize that this nonstop commitment left me effective only as a caregiver, and even there, I questioned my effectiveness. By the time I acknowledged it, I had already taken on too much.
With an assist from therapy, a revelation emerged: happiness lay not in the pursuit of an elusive perfection but in the embrace of a balanced life. Shedding the cloak of a perfectionist, I’ve adopted the philosophy of being "good enough" in every domain. Setting healthier boundaries and learning to ask for help has become my foundation.
I find it disheartening that Corporate America and capitalism present numerous challenges, from childcare dilemmas to inconsistent options for mental health. Despite employee pleas for more freedom and flexibility, business owners and CEOs have reverted to pre-pandemic measures. The assertion that employees can't work from home raises the question of how the economy thrived when everyone was on lockdown.
Equally disheartening is the influence toxic leaders wield. The detrimental impact they can have on both work production and individuals beyond the workplace should prompt companies to carefully consider who occupies such influential positions. The negative consequences extend far beyond the professional realm, underscoring the urgency for organizations to be prudent in their choice of leaders.
Parents are doing their best, yet the demands on us are often overwhelming—juggling work deadlines, financial worries, and the emotional rollercoaster of meeting our child's every need. This constant stretch can dull our capacity to be sensitive, responsive parents and humans. It leads to moodiness, criticism, and a tendency to become overly controlling. The insidious trio of anxiety, depression, and exhaustion creeps in, diminishing our ability to embody the best versions of ourselves. Establishing healthy boundaries emerges as a crucial strategy to counteract these challenges.
What’s Next?
These days, I'm experiencing increased strength and well-being. Typically, when I find solace in writing, it's a positive indicator of a healthy mindset. Recently, I drew inspiration from one of my favorite actors, Mark Duplass, who encouraged me to persist in being open about my struggles with depression and my overall mental health journey. While it's impactful when influential figures share their challenges, it can sometimes feel distant. I aspire to be a relatable voice—a regular person like me—hoping to foster more open dialogue on the subject and inspire you to take bold steps toward improving your own life.
How can you contribute to the next chapter(s) of my journey? Join my Substack! Both my doctor and therapist endorse this as work I enjoy and should be doing. So, I've chosen to pursue it while making the most of my role as a stay-at-home dad with my girls.
The prospect of writing more regularly excites me. I'm committed to prioritizing mental health while delving into topics ranging from sports to an ambitious novel about revitalizing the cool factor of rock n' roll music—a project I started a few years back. You can access all my work, regardless of the theme, on my Substack for just $30 per year. It's a modest investment, less than the cost of a tank of gas, granting you a full year's subscription and supporting independent writing—a win-win!
As always, if you wish to discuss mental health or anything else, feel free to reach out—I'm here for you.
Stepping away from the corporate world wasn't merely a career shift; it was a reclaiming of life. As my story unfolds, may it resonate with those steering through their own tumultuous waters, offering comfort and motivation to those bold enough to defy the established norms.